Ianisms

When Ian and I had HBO last year we liked to watch The Ricky Gervais Show on Friday nights, which features Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant (both of The Office fame), and their friend, Karl Pilkington - all three of them in a studio recording their weekly podcast.  It came on after Bill Maher, providing a dose of sweet British humor to lighten the heavy liberal bitterness leftover after Real Time.

You might think that Mr. Gervais drives the comedy behind his show.  Incorrect.  Karl Pilkington is the real star of The Ricky Gervais Show. With his charming Manchester accent, deep voice, and pensive seriousness, Mr. Pilkington's unique character and his unusual way of thinking about the world have made me laugh so hard that my stomach aches and my living room tissue box is empty from dabbing away happy tears.  Here are a few Pilkingtonian gems (and you can find more here):

• On dopplegangers - "How would I know which one I was?"
• On chameleons - "Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe."
• "Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good."

Lucky me, Ian is quite learned in the art of Pilkington humor, and he's been pulling out some chuckle-worthy thoughts of his own recently:

• On the Keebler Elves: “It's a fire hazard to make cookies inside a tree.”
• On scary zombie movies:  “Why do they call them the ‘undead’?  Aren’t the undead us?”
• On family planning, “Shouldn’t it be called Unplanned Parenthood?”
• On an amputation scene in the John Adams mini-series: “They wouldn’t show that on HBO, would they?”
• On the ash crosses people wear on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday: “I’m sure Jesus wouldn’t want you to look stupid.”

Bon Braper

I dedicate this post to the gracious folks at Netflix, who, despite a huge increase in their prices come September, have recently decided to make Mad Men available via Instant Streaming. I just hope Netflix never finds out how much they could really charge me for unlimited, instant-viewing of Jon Hamm...

Ian and I were big fans of the TV show Lost.

That’s a understatement.  We loved that show so much that we bought all six seasons on DVD; I got a Lost themed birthday cake last year; and we even invented our own Fantasy Lost game with a few friends for the final season where we drafted characters and assigned them points per episode.  We tearfully said goodbye to the Island in May 2010, but we still get goosebumps whenever we hear that Fray song used to promote Season 5. Even today I may sock you in the jaw if you tell me that "The Constant" is not the single best episode of television ever.  But I think we’re closing in on the fifth Kubler-Ross stage of grief, acceptance, because we’ve finally discovered a more-than-satisfying rebound:  Mad Men.

We ordered the first season on Netflix a month ago, and now we’re so infatuated with Mad Men that seeing the red square DVD envelope in our mailbox feels just like Christmas morning. As much as I like the storytelling, I enjoy the aesthetic of the 1960s the most: the colorful angualrity of the Sterling-Cooper office, the skinny black ties, the curve-hugging dresses, and Don Draper, the main character played by Jon Hamm.  Just typing his name makes me blush.

Ian likes the show, too, but Don annoys him. He agrees with me that Mr. Draper is a fine specimen of the male human form, but he gets frustrated by the general ennui and unhappiness that pervades most of the characters on the show.  Not able to empathize with those feelings, Ian decided to invent his own Mad Men character, Bon Braper:  

“Don Draper drinks bourbon and cognac; Bon Braper drinks Mountain Dew and Icees.  Don Draper sleeps around with lots of ladies to fill some kind of emotional void; Bon Braper stays home and watches Real Housewives of New York with his wife.  Don Draper watches brooding French movies in black and white; Bon Braper watches Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 in 3-D.”

Best of all, Ian established a more upbeat alternative theme song for the show.  He has always been good at identifying musical themes - he even knew the melodies for each of the characters in Lost.  So whenever Mad Men gets too emotionally heavy for Ian’s tastes, he sings his Bon Braper theme. I'm sure you'll recognize it. It's the musical opposite of the Mad Men intro song - just click the links below and listen to the first few notes of each song.

The actual Mad Men Intro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcRr-Fb5xQo

Bon Braper's Theme: http://youtu.be/NGFToiLtXro?t=1m20s

Ianisms

I often tell my husband that he’s the better spouse.  He takes the trash out, gets me endless cups of ice water, and doesn’t get cranky like I do sometimes. He even said what I now consider to be the sexiest words one spouse can say to the other: “You can leave your job if you want.”  Hot.

He’s better, and I let him know.  But between you and me, I really think Ian is the best spouse in the whole world.

 

Reason numero uno is that - and I know it’s cliche - he makes me laugh.  Admittedly, I’m no Buckingham Palace guard; I laugh easily.  In fact, Ian first remembers me as the only person laughing at a horrible stand-up comedian in college that looked vaguely like Roy from that one episode of The Simpsons: “At least Anne thinks he’s funny.”  I didn’t really; I felt bad for him.

 

But the laughter has always been genuine with Ian.  On the drive to our first date at Bennigan’s (rest in peace), he did an impression of John Kerry that was spot on.  And just now between that last sentence and this one, he called me over to show me an online clip of Stephen Colbert calling Rupert Murdoch an “Illuminati Dark Lord.”   As always, Ian crinkled up his nose in gleeful satisfaction that we both thought it was funny.

I like to laugh, and Ian likes to make me laugh: it’s the perfect symbiosis.  So I decided to start writing down some of the funny little things Ian says - I call them “Ianisms." Some of his sayings were intentionally funny; some were not.  Either way, he’s happy I’m sharing these with you, and he crinkled his nose when I read them to him.

• Complimenting me on my jewelry today: “Your necklace could be a horcrux.” (We just saw the final Harry Potter movie 12 hours ago.)
• Confused in March: “I don’t know what day St. Patrick’s Day is; I’m not Irish.”
• On his dislike for thong sandals: “It feels like someone’s raping my big toe.”
• A serious thought on a road trip: “Why aren’t scientists working on teleportation?”
• Relating our two worlds: “Jill Zarin is like the Miami Heat of the Real Housewives.  Everyone hates her."
• Concerned that Indiana will no longer teach cursive in schools:  “So will those kids not know how to sign their names?"
• On my love for Chipotle: “One day I’m going to walk in and find that you’ve transformed into a veggie burrito bowl... and you’ll be eating yourself."
• Seeing a nice sports car: “That Lamborghini would be a Decepticon.  It looks evil.”
• And the most famous Ianism of all, on refusing a restaurant’s menu choice: “I can’t eat all-you-can-eat.”

I'm sure it's pretty obvious by this post that I think my hubby is the bee's knees. Believing in the uniqueness of your partner is, in my view, an important part of a healthy relationship.  We should all think our spouses are the best there ever was and ever will be... But Ian really is the best.