Ianisms

I often tell my husband that he’s the better spouse.  He takes the trash out, gets me endless cups of ice water, and doesn’t get cranky like I do sometimes. He even said what I now consider to be the sexiest words one spouse can say to the other: “You can leave your job if you want.”  Hot.

He’s better, and I let him know.  But between you and me, I really think Ian is the best spouse in the whole world.

 

Reason numero uno is that - and I know it’s cliche - he makes me laugh.  Admittedly, I’m no Buckingham Palace guard; I laugh easily.  In fact, Ian first remembers me as the only person laughing at a horrible stand-up comedian in college that looked vaguely like Roy from that one episode of The Simpsons: “At least Anne thinks he’s funny.”  I didn’t really; I felt bad for him.

 

But the laughter has always been genuine with Ian.  On the drive to our first date at Bennigan’s (rest in peace), he did an impression of John Kerry that was spot on.  And just now between that last sentence and this one, he called me over to show me an online clip of Stephen Colbert calling Rupert Murdoch an “Illuminati Dark Lord.”   As always, Ian crinkled up his nose in gleeful satisfaction that we both thought it was funny.

I like to laugh, and Ian likes to make me laugh: it’s the perfect symbiosis.  So I decided to start writing down some of the funny little things Ian says - I call them “Ianisms." Some of his sayings were intentionally funny; some were not.  Either way, he’s happy I’m sharing these with you, and he crinkled his nose when I read them to him.

• Complimenting me on my jewelry today: “Your necklace could be a horcrux.” (We just saw the final Harry Potter movie 12 hours ago.)
• Confused in March: “I don’t know what day St. Patrick’s Day is; I’m not Irish.”
• On his dislike for thong sandals: “It feels like someone’s raping my big toe.”
• A serious thought on a road trip: “Why aren’t scientists working on teleportation?”
• Relating our two worlds: “Jill Zarin is like the Miami Heat of the Real Housewives.  Everyone hates her."
• Concerned that Indiana will no longer teach cursive in schools:  “So will those kids not know how to sign their names?"
• On my love for Chipotle: “One day I’m going to walk in and find that you’ve transformed into a veggie burrito bowl... and you’ll be eating yourself."
• Seeing a nice sports car: “That Lamborghini would be a Decepticon.  It looks evil.”
• And the most famous Ianism of all, on refusing a restaurant’s menu choice: “I can’t eat all-you-can-eat.”

I'm sure it's pretty obvious by this post that I think my hubby is the bee's knees. Believing in the uniqueness of your partner is, in my view, an important part of a healthy relationship.  We should all think our spouses are the best there ever was and ever will be... But Ian really is the best.